Day 27: Artwork

Day 27: Artwork

Capture Your Grief Project

I have found a lot of solace in embarking on some new creative endeavors since we lost Virginia.  I've never thought of myself as an artistic person at all.  But I've heard from several people that intense grief can be a good catalyst for creativity.  My theory is that the creative part of the brain becomes more active as a defense mechanism after trauma or loss.  The brain allows us to feel different emotions throughout grief (sadness, anger, numbness) as a means to shielding us from feeling nothing but intense despair all the time (otherwise, none of us would recover from falling into what seems like an endless black hole).  Similarly, I think that having a creative outlet serves as a means to release some of those emotions, even for those of us who wouldn't consider ourselves artistic individuals. 

I've done quite a bit of painting, beading, and playing my guitar lately.  I typically turn on the Pandora lullaby station, set myself up with a cup of hot tea or a glass of red wine, and just let those creative juices flow.  Sometimes this process is accompanied with crying (even screaming), but I've noticed that I always feel better afterward.  As far as the artwork goes, I don't share much of what I've done with anyone (even Pat).  I don't paint because I'm hoping to create some masterpiece; I paint because of the release of emotions that occurs.  It's a beautiful, sacred, intense process. 

The painting above is from our first art therapy session with our therapist about a month after Virginia was born.  She asked us to paint something that was representative of how we see our daughter's presence in our life: past, present, or future.  This is my painting, and I'd rather not get into the interpretation of what it all means, because that's a little more personal than I'm willing to share right now (and it's probably pretty obvious anyway).  The title of this painting is "Everywhere".