Day 26: Age
We have no way of knowing exactly when Virginia died. From what my doctor said, it could have been anywhere from 24-48 hours before she was born.
I wish that I would have spent more time with my hands on my stomach, eyes closed, being fully present in those moments and taking in what that sensation felt like. It seems like another life now. I wish I would have cherished that time with her more. I wish I would have known that feeling her move in me would be the only time I'd have with her while she was living. If so, I would have done things so.much.differently.
When we arrived at the hospital for my routine monitoring the morning we found out she didn't have a heartbeat, I could not truthfully remember when I had last felt her move, or what that last movement felt like. Was it a jab? A punch? A kick? A roll? I don't know. Not having that distinct memory will always, ALWAYS haunt me.
2 comments:
You put these feelings and regrets into words in a way I haven't been able to yet. ~Hugs~
Thank you, Kristen. What a lovely compliment. :)
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