I hate the fact that there are so many women in this world who have had to walk this path that I now find myself on. It's not fair that so many others have felt this deep, searing pain of losing a baby that they barely had a chance to know. Nobody should ever have to say hello and goodbye to their baby in the span of hours. Or go to the hospital intending to hear a healthy heartbeat, only to leave with nothing but empty arms, a broken heart, and a box full of stuff. But I am grateful that others have walked this road before me, and can serve as sources of hope and inspiration. In some of my darkest times, when I have been reduced to a weeping puddle of nothing, the only thing that's been able to pull me out of that abyss is the comforting words of another baby loss mom. Some I communicate with via email, telephone, or the internet. Some I've never actually communicated with directly (I've only read their blog). In fact, I've spent many sleepless nights reading the blogs of women who have been so brave as to write deeply personal, touching posts about their own grief journeys. These women have no idea how profound their words are to me. I wish I could write individual thank-you notes to each and every one of them.
It's not that any of these women have the magic combination of words that can suddenly make everything better. Sometimes the best words to hear are, "I know it hurts right now. You will always miss your baby, but it won't always hurt this bad." For now, I have to have faith that they are speaking the truth. I have to have hope for the future, that there will be better and brighter days ahead. And in the meantime, I will count my blessings and be thankful that, although I find myself living in every parent's worst nightmare, at least I'm in good company.
If you are one of those women who has cried with me over the loss of our babies, and has held my hand (either physically or virtually) and offered words of encouragement throughout my grief process, THANK YOU. Sincerely.
2 comments:
I hate that you have to feel this pain. A pain I cannot even imagine. You know that there is someone else out there reading your words that is thankful for your courage to share your feelings. You and Virginia are a blessing to so many. Becky
I think Becky said it perfectly in her comment. So I'll say "ditto"....you continue to be an inspiration and breath of fresh air for others who may have gone through something similar and come across your blog. You are so honest, real, and give hope to others that they too will get through this....one moment/day at a time. xoxo
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