A Compilation of Sorts

The post you are about to read has absolutely nothing to do with anything that is going on in the lives of P & R right now. Our personal lives are a bit in shambles right now, due to some family issues, and I've spent the better part of last week trying to fly under the radar, because blogging about what's really going on around here could cause some serious drama. So instead I'm going to add an entry that I hope will humor y'all.

Our local newspaper in Montana, the Bozeman Daily Chronicle, is overall a reputable newspaper (as far as small-town news media goes). However, the content included in the daily police reports is one exception. My older brother made somewhat of a game out of taping the particularly hilarious ones to the door of his bedroom, a tradition which I continued when that bedroom became mine. So during our last visit home, my mom gave me a stack of police report pages that she had saved for me. Instead of keeping the hilarity to myself, I'm going to do my good deed for society by sharing them with everyone. Please understand that this post is meant to be taken sarcastically, and with a grain of salt.

Enjoy!

• June 6th, 2009: "A woman reported that someone is dumping their trash in her dumpster. She said she went through the trash and found evidence of possible suspects."
• June 7th, 2009: "Police arrested a 39-year old Bozeman pickup driver for assault and cited a 37-year old Bozeman bicyclist for disorderly conduct after the bicyclist became upset, believing the truck had cut him off. The two exchanged words, the bicyclist said the driver should have respect for bikes, then ran the front of his bike into the truck. The driver jumped out and punched the bicyclist five to eight times in the face."
• June 7th, 2009: "A woman reported to police her ex-boyfriend was threatening to let her birds go while she was out of town. However, the birds did not appear to have been released." (Phew, I was worried)
• June 8th, 2009: "A man in a red sports car convertible was reported for asking two small girls to find his small dog. An officer determined he really was looking for his dog."
• June 8th, 2009: "Domestic abuse was reported on River Road, where a daughter said her 56-year old mother had been drinking and hitting her (NOT funny). There were no weapons, she said, but stated that her mother is a weapon (hilarious)."
• June 9th, 2009: "A boy tipped over a porta-potty in Kirk Park around 1pm. His parents were notified and the porta-potty was returned to its upright position and cleaned." (Thank goodness those of you who regularly use the restroom in Kirk Park can pee in confidence).
• June 12th, 2009: "A man was seen behind the mall around 10 am with something over his head doing push-ups and stretching. He was waiting for the theater to open."
• June 17th, 2009: "Four of five high school kids with flashlights near a trailer court on East Griffin Drive 'looked like they were up to no good', according to authorities." (Oh dear God, no!!!! Someone call 9-1-1!!!!!)
• June 18th, 2009: "A deputy checked on a man who was shining a flashlight outside on Pebblebrook Road around 12:30am. The man was searching for his keys and 'unfortunately the deputy was not much help in locating the keys either.' " (darn!)
• June 18th, 2009: "Several gallons of red Jell-O were dumped into a boat parked on Sunfield Drive staining the seats and carpet 'as well as leaving a very large sticky mess.' The case is being investigated."
• June 20th, 2009: "A resident of Boylan Road asked to speak with an officer 'about noise associated with tee time at the golf course'." (Boo)
• June 21, 2009: "Bags of 'poo' were left on a Highland Blvd. resident's doorstep several times before he called it in. He also advised officers that one bag came with a note asking him to pick up his dog's 'poo'." (Dear dog owners: please pick up your 'poo', lest you risk ending up with your dog's 'poo in a bag on your doorstep)
• June 25th, 2009: "A woman couldn't stain her deck because three dogs were running loose in the area. She described them as a 'beagle, a little white hairy thing, and a medium white hairy thing'." (Thank you, ma'am, for such a helpful description!)

And now for my personal favorite. Believe me, this one is a true gem.

::drumroll please::

• June 15th, 2009: "A person reported his brother was calling him nonstop and conversing about nonsensical topics such as two-handed swords and Kentucky Fried Chicken. The person requested a welfare check after the conversation topics got more serious."

The previous message was brought to you by the folks at the Bozeman Daily Chronicle, who apparently have nothing better to do than post the minute details of every single random police report (ridiculous, irrelevant content included at no extra charge).

Happy Monday!