Our Rainbow Baby

My biggest fear in sharing the news of our new pregnancy with the world is that others would look at me and think I'm suddenly "ok" because I am pregnant again.  Being pregnant again does not fix everything.  In fact, being pregnant again makes everything 10x harder.  The grief is more complex.  The excitement and happiness that generally comes with pregnancy is greatly diminished.  

Babies are not replaceable.  That seems like common sense, right?  Believe it or not, I've already dealt with a few insensitive comments from people are relieved that we are pregnant again.  Like maybe once we have a healthy baby in our arms, we can finally move on.  But it doesn't work that way.  We are not trying to fill the void in our hearts left by Virginia; only one person can fill that void, and we will always be without her.  A piece of our hearts will always be missing.  

{As an aside, I can't say strongly enough how passionate I am about making sure everyone who's important in my life understands that I am not trying to replace Virginia with this baby.  And those who have made comments about how I will be fine once I have another baby or once I "get over" this, are no longer a part of my life.  I don't expect everyone to understand how this feels, because you really will never understand unless you're in this position.  But I have absolutely no tolerance for ignorance or a complete lack of empathy.} 

I pray everyday that Baby Dos is our Rainbow Baby.  We need some beauty, some hope, and some light.  Please, God, let us bring this baby home.