Our Jamaican Christmas vacation didn't turn out quite as planned, for a few reasons. First of all, two days into the trip, I came down with a flu-like bug. Fever, body aches, joint pain, etc. Luckily, I was able to take some Advil to keep the symptoms at bay so we could still make the most of our time there. But it was a bummer to be on this long-awaited (and expensive) vacation and not feel well.
Second of all, as it turns out, when you run away somewhere to escape sad feelings, the feelings follow you. Wow, what a revelation, right? From a rational standpoint, I get that. You can't run away from feelings. But I guess I thought it would be impossible to be surrounded by sand and sunshine in a place that we've come to know as our "happy place", and yet still be sad. Guess what? It's totally possible. The first night of our vacation ended with a long, tear-filled discussion about Virginia, and how completely different our lives are because her absence. We are often able to talk about her from the perspective of how blessed we are for the time we did have with her, and how lucky we are to be her parents. However, this was not one of those conversations. Nonetheless, it felt good to have that time together, completely removed from the distractions of daily life, to reflect on our loss in a very real way. The people sitting near us (we were sitting around a fire pit on the beach) probably thought we were having some sort of serious marital disagreement, and we got all sorts of weird looks ("Who comes to Jamaica to sit around and cry?"). Little did they know that quite the opposite was true. Although we shed some tears over the missing piece in our lives, we also reflected on how grateful we are to have each other, and how much stronger our marriage has become as the result of facing such a devastating loss together.
Our trip wasn't a complete bust, though. There were some great things that came out of this little getaway. As usual, we met some amazing people while we were there. In fact, we spent the remainder of our trip hanging out with one couple that we hit it off with immediately. This is Kiki and the Monkey Man (also known as Staci and Joe).
They're from upstate New York and they are AWESOME. Staci is a social worker, so there was an instant bond between the two of us from the very get-go. I opened up to her about our story (which I don't often do with strangers), and despite being pregnant herself, she was wonderfully compassionate and very sensitive to my situation. We spent a few days hanging with them, relaxing on the beach, swimming in the ocean, and just sitting and talking.
I only wish I had pics of all 4 of us together.
We also had a great time reconnecting. We needed to come together again, in the absence of all of the "real life" struggles. We needed time to just be us, and to remind ourselves why we fell in love and what we love about one another. We spent time being goofy, joking around and laughing at each other. We spent time crying, talking about how we had never imagined our life together would take the drastic turn it's taken over the last few months. We talked about future plans and goals. And mostly, we just enjoyed each other's company. I think that's very evident in these pics:
(Totally cheesy, but I love it!)
Here are some more pics:
(The view from our room. I did not mind waking up to this everyday.)
The four of us deemed this little piece of coral our Christmas tree (which is why it's anchored standing up in the sand).
And a few more panoramic shots:
Overall, I think we both agree that going away for Christmas this year was the best decision we could have made. I only hope that the next big vacation we take is with our children, probably quite a few years from now, and that we're able to celebrate that time together under more happy circumstances.
Here's to hoping 2013 brings with it many holidays worth celebrating.
