My "Nephew"

Warning for any of my fellow loss moms reading this post, there are pictures below of a newborn, so feel free to scroll past this post...















One of my best friends had a baby in early May.  Out of respect for her privacy, I won't go into too much detail about her business.  But she found out she was pregnant a week or two after we lost Virginia.  Although the timing wasn't great, and I was very obviously in a difficult place emotionally, Christie was incredibly supportive and sensitive to my situation.  And although I spent a lot of time being sad for myself and the reminders that her pregnancy brought, I was genuinely happy for this miracle blessing that her family had been given.  Words cannot adequately describe the ways that our friendship has deepened over the last year.  I know it's not very eloquent sounding, one of the greatest lessons I've learned over the last year about relationships is that those who are willing to be there in the trenches with you, to help you dig out of a massive pile of shit, are the people who are true friends.  Christie was one of those people for me.  Our circumstances could've been enough to drive a wedge between even the closest of friends; we were in vastly different places with her preparing to welcome this new addition into her life, while I was grieving and saying goodbye to our little blessing.  Despite all that, she was so loyal during this time, so devoted, so sensitive, so caring.  She listened to me when I called just to sob on the other end of the line.  She didn't push when I told her I was having a hard time hearing about pregnancy and newborns.  And when I went crazy and acted irrational and got pissed, she was there for that too, just listening patiently and nonjudgmentally.  So when Carter was born, it was important for me to be able to share in her happiness, just as she shared in my misery and grief.  I flew out to Las Vegas near the end of her pregnancy and we spent a few days together, talking about pregnancy, and all the ways our lives and friendship have changed over the last 6 years.  I flew out to visit again when Carter was 2 weeks old.  Despite Christie and I maintaining such a close friendship, I was super nervous about this trip.  This would be the first time I would see and hold a newborn since Virginia.  But once I got there and first laid eyes on him, all my fears melted away.  I took one look at him, and it all clicked, that this baby was a different baby than Virginia, a live, healthy baby.  Holding Carter was very therapeutic for me.  He reminded me that happy endings are possible.   It was just what I needed at a time when I was having second thoughts about my new pregnancy, worrying about whether this was going to work out (I think I was 18ish weeks at the time).  This little man reminded me that life is good, and God is good.  He reminded me of the power of hope.

I had another opportunity to see Carter last month, when Christie and her husband happened to be in Montana at the same time I was (what a difference 5 weeks makes!).  

I'm so grateful for my relationship with my new little "nephew" (and his mommy too, of course).  I hope one day he will understand what a blessing he is, not only to his mom and dad, but also to me.