15 Months

I've been out of sorts today.  A little sad and a lot tired and VERY weepy.  I attributed it to postpartum hormones until I looked at the calendar to confirm the time for an appointment I had today.  Then it hit me, like it does every month on the 13th.  One more month has passed without Virginia.  And although we've been blessed beyond measure with Cami's arrival, everything with Cami is bittersweet.  Every smile, every coo, every facial expression, the feel of her sleeping in my arms, the warmth of her body curled up on my chest, the sound of her grunts and cries. There is seldom a moment that passes that I don't wonder about Virginia, what she would've been like and how all these moments would've felt with her.  I still miss her so much.  My heart aches today.  This grief thing is neverending.
It's been 15 months, and although our lives are so enriched by the arrival of Virginia's little sister, I still long for the baby that isn't here.
Mommy misses you, sweet Virginia.

Cami's First Days (Hospital Pics)

I get weepy looking at these pictures, because although it's only been 5 weeks, Cami has grown so much.  She's not so teeny anymore.  Time is going by too quickly!  

 And it was love at first sight...

 (Be still, my beating heart!)

Picture Extravaganza Post #1

Coming off a long weekend with Pat home, I feel like I finally am able to catch my breath.  So while I have time between naps, I thought I'd start posting some pics taken the week Cami was born.  Here's some belly shots taken by my personal photographer, my mom, the day before Cami's birth.

In Honor of Halloween...

...I think I'll go as a zombie.  That's how I feel after averaging about 3 hours of sleep a night (usually broken into a couple smaller chunks).  I'm slacking on the blog because we're in the midst of a growth spurt, potential reflux, and as a result, some nighttime sleeplessness.  I promise I'm not giving up on the blog, just taking a little break.  I'm making time for more important things right now.  Like trying to brush my teeth at least once a day (gross, I know).  And shoving food in my mouth when my stomach finally growls loud enough that I couldn't possibly wait any longer.  And going to the bathroom (believe it or not, I sometimes "forget"). 

I'll be back soon, with newborn and Halloween photos.  Until then, here's a few pics of Cami. 

Pat's Birthday

Today is Patrick's 31st birthday. Last year on his 30th birthday, we were still reeling from having lost Virginia only 2 months prior. I had wanted to plan a huge surprise 30th birthday bash for him, but instead, we celebrated by having a quiet dinner with close friends and getting our memorial tattoos to honor our sweet Virginia. Not at all the way we expected to be spending this milestone birthday. 

This year, as I puttered around the house after drinking my 5am cup of coffee, I stumbled upon them fast asleep on the couch.  Last year at this time, neither of us could imagine that we'd ever get to this point, where we would be lucky enough to bring a baby home. It wasn't even on our radar.  What a difference a year makes.

October 15th: Wave of Light

Tonight at 7:00pm, in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day, we lit a candle in honor of Virginia and all the other babies that were lost too soon.

What a year it's been since last October 15th.  We've come so far in our healing.  When we look into Cambria's eyes, I can't help but feel that all our loss, our heartache, our struggles have brought us exactly where we need to be.  Watching our sweet little one sleep and smile and breathe and move (and even cry), it's hard to think about anything except that this precious little soul was meant for us.  So while today is very much about honoring Virginia, there's also an element of celebration that our family wouldn't be where it is if not for Virginia's presence, and absence.  And where we are is a pretty great place.  

Our Rainbow Baby Has Arrived, Safe & Sound!

Sorry for the delay in posting.  I hope I didn't leave anyone worried.  But it's been a whirlwind of a week, and I'm just now getting a chance to sit down and write out a post.

It was quite a weekend leading up to the scheduled c-section.  By the time Monday arrived, I couldn't believe we would actually be meeting our baby.  That day itself feels like a distant foggy memory.  I do know I spent a few hours in Labor & Delivery waiting for the OR to become available.  I started having pretty painful contractions that morning, and was in the very early stages of labor.  I'd like to think Baby Dos wanted to pick her own birthday (even though she likely would've been born on the same day anyway--she wanted to do it on HER terms).  Anyway, before I knew it, it was time to head into the OR.

We brought a few mementos of Virginia, so she was very much with us during the moments when her sister took her first breaths in the exact same OR and Recovery Room where we delivered Virginia only 14 months ago.

Cambria Skye Groff was born screaming at 1:24pm on 10/7/13, weighing 8lbs even, 19" long.

We are so in love.  Even through the frustration, the sleep deprivation, and the issues we've had with feeding and her losing too much weight, I am still blissfully, unabashedly happy.  God has been good to our little family.