Day 2: Before Loss Self-Portrait

 Capture Your Grief Project
Day 2: Before Loss Self-Portrait

38 weeks pregnant. 

Little did I know that in exactly one week, my world would be shattered into a million little pieces. 

 

Capture Your Grief Day 1: Sunrise

Hello out there.  For some of you, the blog is the primary method of communication for keeping in touch with Pat & I, so I just want to extend my apologies to you for the silence on our end.  All of this still feels very surreal and raw to me, so while I'm still feeling vulnerable and not totally ready to put all of the specifics of our grief out there for the world to read, I feel strongly compelled to make my return to the blogging world this month to participate in the Capture Your Grief Project .  Capture Your Grief is a 31-day photo challenge, with a topic listed for each day (see the picture above).  This is meant to be a therapeutic process for those who have lost babies to remember and honor their babies in a way that's meaningful to them.  So I'm going to try to post photos on here everyday for the month of October.  I may or may not elaborate on the meaning of some of my pictures, but I hope you will be with me on this journey over the next 31 days. 

Here's the link to the Facebook page event, if any of you are interested.  (I won't be posting anything to Facebook because I don't currently have an active account.) 

Day 1: Sunrise

“We can only appreciate the miracle of a sunrise if we have waited in the darkness.”

~Unknown

 

Virginia Skye

It is with a very heavy heart that I am writing this post. By now most of our family and friends know, but for those of you who don't, our beloved Baby G grew her wings and is now an angel in heaven. Virginia Skye was born on 8/13/12 at 5:53pm weighing 6lbs, 15oz, 20" long. She had her umbilical cord knotted and wrapped around her neck, and had likely passed away in the 24-48 hours prior to her birth. There's nothing anyone could have done. Please keep us and our families in your thoughts and prayers, as we have a long road of grieving ahead. Much love to you all. Patrick and Randi

34-35 Weeks

There's been lots of excitement around here over the last few weeks (most of it good, some not so good).  Little by little, we are making progress on the nursery and have gotten the last of the baby essentials (the carseat and stroller have arrived!!!).  I've also had quite a bit of relaxation time, most of it being forced relaxation because of some contractions I've been having.  So I haven't been able to get nearly as much done as I would have liked.  Here are a few pics of the happenings around here over the last couple weeks. 

34 weeks:

We finally got the crib bedding put on, and it looks fabulous, thanks to my good friend Christie for making the beautiful vintage-y sock monkey bedding that I wanted but couldn't find anywhere.  Don't you love it???  ;)

We also bought an inflatable pool to help this hot, pregnant lady beat the summer heat.  I've used it quite a few times already, and it's brought some much needed relief to these hot summer days. 

35 weeks:
(this shortly after my contractions started kicking in and I officially crossed that line into being uncomfortable, which apparently is why I look so serious in these pictures)

How far along? 35 weeks, 2 days

Maternity clothes? Yep.  And pretty much anything comfy that I can fit into (this also includes selections from Pat's closet, like his soft t-shirts). 

Stretch marks? No. 

Sleep: Pretty dang good for how uncomfortable I am during the waking hours. 

Best moment this week: Knowing everything is okay with Baby G after a little bit of a scare a few days ago (see below). 

Movement: Yes, but less drastic.  Mostly just pressure and little knobby parts poking out here and there. 

Food cravings: Cherries!!!  Yum!  And sparkling water (a fellow pregnant gal turned me onto LaCroix Coconut sparkling water, but I can't seem to find it anywhere, so I've had to settle for the Berry and Lime flavors). 

Gender: Baby girl!

Labor Signs: Lots of inconsistent contractions and a constant lower back ache for the last week and half.  All of this prompted a trip to L&D for monitoring a few days ago.  We watched my contractions on the monitor (which were coming every 1-2 minutes, but not progressing from there).  They ended up giving me some medicine to help me relax and then sending me home once the contractions tapered off. 

Belly Button in or out? I fear that I may soon have an outie.  I think this is going to be the first of many lessons in eating my words.  Such is life for a new mom, I suppose.  That'll teach me to say, "Ill never______". 

Wedding rings on or off? Off.

What I miss: Not having a back ache and being able to walk without waddling. 

What I am looking forward to: Making it to full-term, which is either 1 or 2 weeks away, depending on who you ask. 

Milestones: This last Friday was 35/35 Day!  35 weeks exactly and 35 days left til my due date! 

 

32-33 weeks and Nesting

Holy NESTING!  I never knew this whole nesting thing actually existed.  But it hit me like a ton of bricks last week, when reality set in that we have less than 2 months to go until Baby G is here.  Not only do we have less than two months, but she could be coming as early as 4 weeks from now!  Eeeek!  So I'm running around frantically making one list after another of things I need to buy (OMG, what if she comes and we don't even have baby wipes yet?!? ::gasp::), and what I need to clean (I'm looking at you, dirty window sills and dusty baseboards).  And I haven't even begun my freezer meal stash yet.  AHHHHHH!!!!!!  Somehow in the midst of my panic, I was still able to snap my weekly pics (partially due to the fact that I adore our new camera, so I'm taking any opportunity I can to practice with it).  

32 weeks:

33 weeks:

And a special little treat for you all, some pictures of the disaster that is our nursery.  I spent about 3 hours one afternoon last week getting clothing organized, so even though it looks like a mess, there is a method to my madness.  We were very fortunate to receive bags upon bags of used little girl clothing, from newborn to 4T.  Once my nesting instinct began to kick in last week, I decided to make myself useful and start sorting through everything.  I left all of the infant clothing out and separated that into piles (up to 6 months), and then boxed the rest for later use.  We won't have to buy much in the way of clothes for at least a year, if not two.

Little teeny, tiny newborn clothes. :)

A pile of loot from the baby shower.  

Boxes of clothes for the future.  

How far along? 33 weeks, 3 days

Maternity clothes? Yep.

Stretch marks? No, not yet...

Sleep: Still broken up by my 2am potty break.  But I'm sleeping like a rock, so I have no complaints there.

Best moment this week: Finishing work and starting Maternity Leave.  Woo!

Movement: There's not much kicking happening anymore (I think she's running out of space), but lots of kneading, and pushing.

Food cravings: Nothing really.  The heat has done a number on my appetite.

Gender: Baby girl!

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? Getting much shallower.

Wedding rings on or off? Off.  I can still wear my wedding band, but my chubby fingers feel better naked these days, so I don't typically wear it unless I'm planning on leaving the house.

What I miss: Cold beer.

What I am looking forward to: Getting our dresser (we found one we like that we are having sanded, repainted, and distressed.  It won't be done until the end of the month).

Milestones: Maternity leave officially started last Friday, so let the nesting begin!!!

 

31 weeks and Maternity Photos

Fair warning, this post will be photo-heavy.  We just got back from the Baby Shower weekend in Montana, and we were able to get maternity photos taken by my mom and stepdad (the tremendous twosome known as Shellenberg Photography).  I haven't gotten around to uploading the photos from the actual shower yet, but I did get a few "sneak peek" photos from my mom, watermarked and ready to be shared with the world!  Here are some of our faves:

How far along? 31 weeks, 4 days

Maternity clothes? Oh yes.  The stretchier, the better. 

Stretch marks? No. 

Sleep: I usually sleep in two increments: 10ish-2, and 3-6 (with a potty break in between, which usually involves another good 45 min to adjust back to a comfortable position).  Better than nothing, I guess. 

Best moment this week: So many great moments this week.  My Baby Shower in MT was pretty awesome.  And we had a great time during this photo shoot.  So it's a toss-up between those two. 

Movement: Tons!  She's a wild woman lately. 

Food cravings: Nothing new.  Bananas, donuts, ice cream.  Sugar in general. 

Gender: Baby girl!

Labor Signs: Nope. 

Belly Button in or out? Innie.  For now. 

Wedding rings on or off? My engagement ring is officially retired (for the next couple of months anyway).  I wear my wedding band when I leave the house, but otherwise, I prefer my chubby, swollen fingers to be naked.  ;)

What I miss: My regular jeans.  And wine.  Always wine. 

What I am looking forward to: Being done with work and putting the baby room together.  That should be happening in the next few weeks. 

Milestones: Being able to decipher which lumps in my stomach are which body parts--that's pretty cool (the doctor filled me in on her positioning last week, which helped).  And the best part: when I push on them, they push back!  :)


 

29-30 weeks

I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm only going to be able to swing posting on here every 2 weeks.  And I'm okay with that.  Being that nobody has commented on my last few posts anyway, I figure the few of you lurkers who read this won't mind either.  :)


29 week pics:

30 week pics (huge and bloated from the heat...not a good look for me):

 How far along? 30 weeks, 5 days

Maternity clothes? I'm getting to the point where I refuse to buy much more in the way of maternity clothes, since we're closing in on the last 2 months, and I'm almost done with work and will be able to live in yoga pants and tanks.  Anyway, I've had to get creative with my wardrobe in order to make myself look presentable enough to leave the house.  Stretchy materials are my friend.  

Stretch marks? No.  Keeping my fingers tightly crossed that I make it through the next 9ish weeks without any.  

Sleep: Alright.  Baby Girl has started flailing around like a mad woman when I lie on my side, so it's hard to get to sleep with her squirming, because it makes me feel like she's trying to break out through the sides of my stomach.  

Best moment this week:  I have 3:
1.  Not pregnancy-related, but dropping Scrappy off at his doggy training boot camp.  I've called a couple of times to check on him, and it turns out he's doing really well, which is a huge relief because I've been worried sick about this for weeks.  
2.  Finally feeling better after catching a cold that turned into the sinus/ear infection from hell. 
3.  Going to our Labor/Childbirthing class 2 Sundays ago.  It was so sweet seeing Pat so involved and asking questions.  He's going to be a great labor partner, and an even better dad.  I knew that all along, but this class was a good reminder for me of what an amazing man I married.  ;) 

Movement: Lots.  But it's starting to feel more like pushing and pressure rather than hard kicks or jabs.  

Food cravings: I am in LOVE with Otter Pops (they gave the baby hiccups, which is hilarious).  Oh, and ice cream.  Pretty much any frozen treat.  

Gender: Baby girl!

Labor Signs: Nope.  Some Braxton Hicks contractions still, but nothing to be worried about.  

Belly Button in or out? Innie.  Getting shallower. 

Wedding rings on or off? My wedding band still fits, so I'm wearing that without my engagement ring (I am SO grateful I never got the two soldered together).  

What I miss: Sleeping for 8 hours straight.  

What I am looking forward to: Going to Montana this weekend for my shower!  And celebrating a soon-to-be-bride and another mommy-to-be at their showers next weekend.  

Milestones: 30 weeks feels like a huge milestone to me.  It seems like I was just getting to 20 weeks and wondering where the time went.  I can't believe she'll be here in about 2 months!!!